eudaemonic- (adj.) producing happiness and well-being

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I could be losing my mind.

I've become a worrier and slightly OCD. I can't sleep because I'm worried about a source questioning the article. I can't sleep because the dishwasher isn't emptied. I can't sleep because I'm scared I won't get it done.

Pretty much, I just can't sleep.

My stomach gnaws at itself; I can't take care of myself and it's stupid.

When other people worry, I tell them that no matter what, in the end there are two results... either you fail and everything will still be okay, or you succeed and everything will still be okay.

So, there you go.

Then why am I so anxious...

I feel so overworked and so under skilled.

Bad weeks normally happen when I work 12 plus hour days... and yet, am still handed stories. That means I can't be proud of any of them, therefore feel like I'm not doing my part because I'm not improving the paper.

Plus, when I'm working so much, I get home just long enough to wash my face and try to unwind... then lay in bed, staring at the clock.

With no quiet, calm time with God and no real digging in the Bible... I have no protection and my weak (puny too, because there's not enough time to run) body gets bombarded and knocked down by the Devil. Not the one with plastic horns and a tail, but the one who tries his best to lodge lies in my head that make me feel less loved, less worth it, less rescued.

I don't know if I need a vacation or some encouragement... I could go for some encouragement.

Maybe after my big story is done (or at least started) I'll feel better.



Blogger Kat said...

I love you steph... you work so hard. You are a great friend. I love your use of words. It is great how well you can express yourself through letters and words. You make me smile :)

9:24 AM  

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